Cawritergirl's Blog

December 18, 2011

What do you want?

Filed under: job,work — by cawritergirl @ 6:58 PM
Tags: , , , ,

It sounds like a simple enough question, doesn’t it?  But when it comes up several times in the same week in various guises, you start to wonder. 

It all started earlier this week.  I was at work and got a call from a recruiter, asking if I was still looking for work.  I said I had a job but might be interested depending on what it was.  (That’s the first mistake.)  It turns out it was engineering sales.  While I am an engineer and have done some sales related activities, I’m not so sure I want to have to go out day after day and have people purchase things from me in order for me to pay my bills.  (Second mistake.)  When I told him where I was working, he assumed I wouldn’t be interested.  He asked me “What do you want?”  After about 30 more seconds, he asked again, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”  I paused briefly, for about 10 seconds, and thought about it carefully.  I said, “You’re right.  This isn’t a good fit.  I’m not looking to go into sales.”  (First right action!)

Now, for the analysis: 

  1. Your answer should not depend on what the deal is.  Either you are looking for a new job or you are not.  If you are not completely satisfied where you are, then the answer is YES, I am still seeking work. 
  2. You ARE sure whether you want to go out everyday and sell things or whether you want to do research or whether you want to analyze data.  You have just lost trust in your own ability to know what is right for you.  You are so bogged down in the day-to-day activities of your life that you’ve allowed yourself to forget what it is your really enjoy.
  3. It is correct to pause and think and FEEL what is truly right for you.  Is it right for you to go after a job you know isn’t right for you for the promise of more money?  That is for you to judge.  If you give yourself time to remember what you’ve always enjoyed, the obvious path will be revealed to you.

The second instance of this “What do you want?” question (There may have been more in between.)  occurred when I was watching a movie on the Hallmark Movie Channel last night.  The woman was going to marry a much older man who was very much into planning.  She met a second man who was around her age but exactly opposite her fiance in every way.  Everyone could tell this woman’s marriage would not work except for her.  And finally, the second man asked her “What do you want?”  This was not just in terms of a romantic relationship but also in terms of her career aspirations.  She had never taken the time to think about what she really wanted and was always sublimating her desires to those around her. 


  1. There is obviously a feeling of unworthiness involved in giving up your power.  This is not just giving up your power but giving it up in favor of someone else’s.  This shows a core disbelief in yourself and your importance.  The belief is that someone else knows what’s better for you.
  2. An additional belief that comes into play here is being overly concerned with how others view you.  For wealth and status, this woman was going to give up her future happiness.  When we are blocked to the different opportunities around us, we literally can’t see them at all.  They could be right in front of us, but we would deny it feverishly if anyone mentioned it.  It’s more than denial.  It is so much more.  It just doesn’t exist for us at all.  We can only see what we allow ourselves to see and what is a vibrational match for us.
  3. When you give yourself time away from the undue influence of others, you can once again know what you truly want and believe and have a passion for.  Sometimes, you need to go away by yourself and be with yourself.  When you quiet your mind, the truth comes out. Cut the cords to others influence on your energy.  Be who you were always meant to be.
  4. Money has nothing to do with it.  I can say this confidently because I have been able to do things I shouldn’t have been able to do and the money or situation presented itself at the perfect time to make it possible.  If I can do it, you can do it! 

What do I want? you may ask.  What do I have a passion for?  Well, I love the ocean.  I remember at one point in my childhood I wanted to be a lawyer.  At another point, I wanted to be a fashion designer.  At another, a bookstore owner.  Here’s how it breaks down:

  1. I love the ocean.  Yet, I keep moving further and further away from it physically and geographically.  A river is no substitute for an ocean, and now I live by a lake that is more like a pond.  I wanted to integrate the ocean into my career.  I read textbooks on beach geomorphology for fun.  I bought a coastal zone law book but seem to have donated it when I lost my inspiration. . . . And so I studied Naval Engineering.
  2. I wanted to be a lawyer, yet I’m an engineer.  But one doesn’t preclude the other.  I’ve found a couple of ocean/coastal law programs in Miami and Hawaii.  Those skills seem to come naturally to me.  Look at what comes naturally to you.
  3. I wanted to be a fashion designer in high school then realized that I hated to sew!  I realized it wasn’t for me and moved on, but when I came in contact with one of my fellow classmates, it appears that I may have inspired her to go to FIT in NY
  4. I did dream of being a bookstore owner.  Instead, I ended up writing a book! 

I’m still in the process of self-discovery as I’m sure every one of you reading this is.  I believe that each step we take leads us closer to where we belong.  I also believe that there are no mistakes.   Maybe the best way to find the right path for you is to ask yourself “What do I REALLY want?”


December 4, 2011

Abundance comes when you least expect it (Part 2)


I know it’s been a long time coming, but here’s the second part of the story. . . .

I went to the Numis Network Convention in Tampa, Florida. While there, I met literally everyone in the company and just felt better and better about the decision I had made to join them and be at this event. I felt a spiritual kinship with those who were in attendance and knew I needed to be there. The lectures were informative and inspiring. I felt as if it raised my vibration just to be there in their presence.

I was around the most successful and high-performing people and had a ride in Burke Hedge’s Numis BMW!

Burke Hedges Chauffering us around in his Numis BMW!
I had the earliest flight back–5 a.m.!–and was amazed to see an email asking me to participate in a phone interview for an engineering job.  I had been looking for a job for nine months with no success, and the second I decided to go out on a limb and try something different it opened me up to more possibilities.  I felt excited from the trip and empowered by the people and event I had encountered at the beautiful hotel that backed onto a Tampa Bay nature preserve.

Egret on Tampa Bay

 The day after I got back, I had the phone interview which went very well.  I was told during the call that I would be invited to an in-person interview later in the week.  The interview went so well, that I was invited to work for them and started the next Monday.  I was able to manifest a position that would pay my minimum bills while allowing me time to build my business in my spare time. 

The people who are in Numis because of me have become very successful.  Is it time to pick up the momentum and join them?  Maybe.  Is it time to get more skills and training?  Definitely.  I’m at the edge of the abyss, waiting to see what is coming, what is next.  I just know that it is ready to be born into reality.

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